The reading has been many of the other blogs involved in the PBJ and the variety of topics they cover, but this has led me to doubt myself on this pagan path. I was brought up within an Irish Catholic household - not very conservative as some might be, but enough. I carried on thinking the same way until my 30's - and it wasn't until I was living in America and came across a book that I started to think there may be another way. I got hold of all the material I could find and the more I read the more I felt at home with a pagan/earth base way of life. As is often the way when you set out on a new path, I met someone else along the way who could help and guide me. She and her family had been on this path a lot longer than me and she could help with with some of the questions I came across. A real dilemma for me was Christmas and the singing of all those Christmas Carols. As a singer - there was never going to be a time when I wouldn't sing them but I found it hard to reconcile the words with what I believed. My friend told me not to be so anxious - go ahead and sing them and enjoy the tradition they brought.
Now recently I have been reading so many blogs which talk about things I find hard to believe in - I still have this other head on my shoulders which says to me "really? you can't really believe that?" - as an example - I know that the moon is really a rock travelling in the atmosphere and can it really be "drawn down" and do I really believe that by doing so I will have a spiritual encounter? I have a hard time meditating, I cannot switch off - I never "see" things or "feel" anything other than my head spinning round my "to do list" for the day. I'm a Taurean, my feet firmly on the ground, in the ground and I find it difficult to move on from the seeing is believing mantra.
I am more comfortable with some parts of the pagan lifestyle than others, I am a solitary having never met another pagan since my friend in the US and now I'm back in the UK I don't think I would feel comfortable within a coven even if I could find one in my area. Can I call myself a witch? I don't really think so - I live by the creed, I give a nod to the festivals, I have an altar, but as with my Catholicism I am a lapse.
I'm not sure whether joining in with the Pagan Blog Project is going to be good for me or not. I'd love to hear if anyone else ever has doubts.